Parents as pals

It is very important to be your teenage child's best friend if you want to be a good parent.
The parent-child relationship has undergone a sea change. More so recently. While Lindsay Lohan and her mother have been partying together in Hollywood, Hindi TV actors Apara Mehta and Sharon Prabhakar have been best friends to their daughters. Closer home mothers and daughters in town are solidifying their bonds of love.Jaishree Adhiya and daughter Archisha, Malini and Mithali Alexander, Shobana and Upasana Kamineni are all buddies that can often be spotted doing their shopping and chilling out together.
Of course, the guys from the old school are around too, believing that by the time the child hits teenage, he/she has the skills to make informed decisions. But the fact is that more and more new age parents have started to see that the best parent is often the best friend.
And while the kids appreciate the friendship, they need a line to be drawn. They do not want their parents to act like teenagers, and are in fact rather embarrassed if they do. So Here's a survival guide for the new age parent; what you need to do to be cool, hip and most importantly, clued into what your teen is doing!
The common streak...
For any relationship to sail smoothly, a common binding force is absolutely essential. And as they say, 'the only way to have a friend is to be one.' So find things that you and your child can do together. Dr Briganza, parent of a college-goer, couldn't agree more. "We often go to the neighbourhood club after my son comes home post his college, gymming and tennis." Actor Hema Malini has been quoted as saying, "My daughters and I share similar taste for dance and this brings us together."
The magic formula
Well, there isn't one. And fortunately, "Bringing up your child doesn't require a magic formula. Spend time with your teen. Patience and understanding are the major ingredients," asserts psychologist Pramila Saxsena. At times, as a parent you can be overwhelmed by a range of emotions. Your concern, care, love and even parental ego – everything adds a new dimension to the relationship. Making your home a welcome place for teens to hang out in is the best place to begin. "We have tried to make our home a place where my daughter and her friends can be together," says Malini. Be approachable and available to answer all their needs. Be on your guard against becoming a critical parent who only notices mistakes and shortcomings.
Quality time together
A family that eats together, stays together. That may be one of the most cliches adages, but it certainly works. The best place to spend quality time is the dinner table. "Absolutely. We get conversations going over dinner at home. My parents ask me about my day, and tell me about theirs," says Manisha Singh, a student and only kid. Spending time together shopping and partying is also fun. Malini says, "What we enjoy most is window shopping. Or at times conversation with my kids at a coffee shop also gives me immense satisfaction."
From a door slammer to a door opener
Teens often mask their insecurities by being aggressive. Slamming doors, back answering or generally being unruly when in a group are typical to teen behaviour. Mood swings can be frustrating for parents especially when their offers of sympathy or suggestions are rebuffed. "Coping with various profound changes in personality, intellect and social status can throw teens off balance. Provide them guarded freedom so that they can also enjoy life but make the home an emotionally comfortable place, where they feel they are protected, cared for and which makes them feel safe to come back," suggests Madhuri R, a parent. As a parent, one experiences a range of emotions, which are all normal and yet which can make one feel like you are on a roller coaster ride. "Parenting a teen is like a marathon not a short distance run, so pacing oneself is the only way out," says Malini.
hyderabadtimes@indiatimes.com